Boss Bonus: Self-Care Shenanigans

I want just a good, old, good old fashioned. Mom and mama and daughta time, momma daughta is very country. Hey there, friends and welcome to becoming a boss where we take some time each week to solve problems. Your problems are problems, We don't even care whose problems they are, but we've made it our business to solve them. So today, well, to be honest, the topic today alludes me. Because I just don't understand it. So we're going to flip the script and we're going to help you. Yeah. Yeah. See, we're multifaceted. Yeah, exactly. So today. with me. Is my own flesh and blood. None other than. Page. Pay do you want to say hello, Paige Raider. Page or rain, or this might be challenging because I've been told that we sound alike. Really. I've been told. And one of the pet peeves of podcast listeners everywhere. Yeah, actually, I run into the same problem and also. I don't know on the phone. I think that's viable, but this is a, this is a Yeti. So you think that it's going to be fine? Cause it's a Yeti. Yeah. Okay. Well, okay. It'll it'll know. And it's your dad. Well, Google gets us wrong too. Google's most certainly gets us wrong all the time. So, I guess it is right. Even AI gets us mixed up. The question is, will the people get us mixed up? I guess we'll see. I guess the people, the people, well, anyway, welcome to the show page. Are you ready to learn? On all things, self. Oh, wait, do we do. Again, the thing is, yeah, the topic is self care. Okay. The topic and that's the topic that alludes me. And so I feel like I'm an expert on self care. Well, Definitely more of an expert than I am, because I don't even, I mean, there's no handbook. The handbook, maybe there is, well there, I mean, of course there's plenty of like, you know, self-help and stuff. But self care help. Yeah. Yeah. Some care help. Self-help cuffs on her. So I think that the people that are masters at taking care of themselves, are very humble about it. Because they're just taking care of themselves. So they don't see it as like oh right. As a gift. Yeah. I mean, they see it as a gift to themselves and they just Are more at peace. usually with what's going on around them, because whenever you're like, Taken care of in your own emotional. Wellbeing. Then, of course, you're going to feel better. And people don't. First of all, they aren't able to recognize whenever that's empty. Well, yeah, let's talk about, and that's you. That's totally you. Okay. So what you're saying is you feel like this is a problem. Other people have, they don't recognize That they're out of gas. Yeah. Mm. Okay. I don't, feel like I'm great at that. I'm really not great at evaluating no anything that's related to that. you're already like on the side of the road, broken down, the tow services is already on the way by the time that you recognize that the problem. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm really bad at, we've already talked about on the pod that I'm terrible at identifying my emotions. Fine or angry. That's all the ones I have just do, but we're working on it. We're working on it. I think that this podcast will help. And I think. Self care will help. Yeah. Well, So, this is how it came up because the topics of the show are usually something I'm struggling with or somebody else that's close to me. You're struggling with that's how the topic gets chosen. So in this case, I was at our study group on Monday. And my new friend, Jasmine was like, you need a self care day. Just hearing you talk. Yeah, I think that's bad. Warning warning, warning, warning. Well, I mean, I was going through a thing. And I was explaining the thing. Okay. But, and yeah. You will still anyway. So she said you really need a self-care day. And I really didn't know what to make of that. I was like, okay. What does. Even me. When you envision one. What are you thinking? The spa. I think of the spa, only the spa. That's just what I picture when I hear self-care day, I think spa, but I don't like the spa. I'm not a spa fan. Okay. So that's like two colliding. Yeah, which is where I'm at. So that's why you're here page. Okay. I think I've adopted other peoples. View of self care. Oh, because spot is literally that's. Okay. To be fair. Okay. The listeners don't know this. Okay. But once upon a time, Um, everything when we. Do they know about your personal life? I don't know some of it. Do they know you have a husband? They do. He was on the pod last week. Oh, lastly, do they know about my sister? She's all over my Instagram. So I think they probably have to know about her. Okay, so pages sisters three. Yeah. And Paige is 20. 17 year difference. These are my two daughters. And I love them. Really they fight about who's cuter. But one can talk better. So that's why I'm here. Well, yes. Yeah, she knows about self care. It would be really cute. And that would be a really cute one. A little tiny, like two minute podcast. She's like, I don't want to go to the cath hole. Yeah. Okay. Here's my question.So I'm assuming that it's maybe a problem for other people too. Identify what self care means to them. And you mentioned earlier, About self care. might look one way for one person and it might look a different way for another person. Yes. So how would a person go about identifying what's their thing? What makes them happy? Ooh. Very simple. So a clean house. It's just, when I look around and I see everything in its place, it gives me just this little piece of peace. A tiny little slice of heaven. Okay. I can't see your look. I I'm just saying. you need to think of outside the box. Okay, well, help me think outside the box because I don't have any ideas. Here's what I did today. I tried to. Adhere to the advice. And I was like, I'll do my nails. That was my group. You love doing that? No, actually hate it. I actually hate it. Why do you do it so often? 'cause I like when my nails are done. So this is really similar to the house. Oh, no. Oh, no. I actually hate it more than cleaning. I hate to do my nails hate. With a passion, you know why? Because there's so many steps. There are so many steps to doing well. That's kind of, you do the fricking gel. Okay, wait, this is not a podcast about gel versus powder. Oh, well, you're doing it the hard way. I think it's well, my skin is not good. For one, I have to, you know, what's it called when they do the chips shipped your cuticle? Yeah. I have major, I have cuticles for three people. No, I can't, especially during the winter,My skin is, will be it's even worse. Okay. All right. So the nails done I'm out because I tried that I really did. and no one likes having to pay to have their nails done. So that's a whole other, I sit, I don't even want to sit for that long. Hmm. Okay. Now here's one time. I had fun getting my nails done. Michelle was getting married. And we all got our nails done together. There was champagne involved. And also the girls were there. So it wasn't me Exelon by myself. It was me and Michelle and the girls. Now I would say that that's a solution, but that's not a solution to the wallet problem. We. I can't force people to go get your nails. No, you can't, you also can't do that. So, okay. More outside the box. Okay, get rid of nails. Get rid of cleaning. Think, think, think. What brings me joy, but I, want you to think about what brings you joy. But I also want to. Give advice to people that. don't know it either. Okay. And we'll give it because I'm already out of ideas. Well, it is what makes you happy? But I guess some people have to think more outside the box I mean, I think you're, thinking of things that, are not self care. what qualifies this self care as something. That, um, You want to give a definition? Yeah, I do. Are you going to definition right now? Yeah, I do. Okay. Great. The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health. Oh, going to the gym. Okay. You're thinking health too. Literally. Do you want me to tell you what I do for self care? I think we're going to have to go there. Okay. So what I do for self care. Okay, this is great. Okay. Cause I love doing this. Okay. So. After a long day. I'll just take a really nice hot shower. I'll shave my legs because I really like whenever my legs are nice, silky smooth. Whenever I get out of the shower. I'll get Shea butter. I'll probably do a face mask. Um, I'll probably put a mask on my hair. They make hair masks. And then riches your hair. Wow. It's great. This industry has got to be boom. And right now, Okay. And, you know, I'm very artistic. So after all of that, and after I feel refreshed physically, I have to be in my favorite clothes. I have to be comfortable. Okay. right now I'm in my cozy socks, my cozy rainbow pants and my cozy. Pink Floyd. Rainbow t-shirt. These are the things that make me comfiest and. That makes me happy. Okay, so soft. You'll also notice. That I have these earrings care bear. Why I have these earrings is because it makes me feel slightly more put together. So I don't feel like I am talking in my bed. Right. It's all about the area. It's balanced, but anyways, okay. After taking a shower, exfoliate, blah, blah, blah. I'll go do something that, fulfills me creatively. So I'll either journal. scrapbook. So. Paint Hmm. There's a million things. That's a lot of art, artsy, artsy things. But they make me happy. They do. non artsy things that make me happy. I love playing video games. with my friends. I like going out with my friends. Even inviting my friends over. Well, according to the Googs, it's says each method of self care fits into one of these seven pillars to the seven pillars. Oh. Of self care are mental, emotional, physical, environmental, spiritual, recreational, and social. Oh, isn't that fun. Oh my gosh. That perfectly encapsulates encapsulates, encapsulates, encapsulates. I don't know. Sure. Encapsulates what I'm saying. Yeah. I know you feel really good after a workout. Yeah, I do. I feel. I think you take it too hard sometimes. So maybe you could do peaceful yoga. No. It's boring. What. It's boring. I don't feel like I'm getting anything done. I feel like there's a version of yoga for you. I've done Pilates before. Kickboxing. I hear kickboxing. You know, my worst was I took a cycling. Class. When we lived in Texas. remember that gym. you were little, so you would go into the little play area. Yeah, planet fitness. So you go into the little play area and I would be able to work out, which was actually a great idea. We should open that here in Charlotte. Has that at, I Kia. They have a gym and Ikea? No. They have a play pen for kids at Ikea. Well, yeah, that makes sense because you can never get It's like a, I know, I wish you took me to that as a kid. Cause. It looks magical. No, Ikea is basically torture for me. Oh, because you put DSW. No. Do you STEMI you, you know where the doors are, but when you go into Ikea, you don't know how. There's arrows leading you out. Again, you don't know how to get. You walk around and you're like, surely it's around the corner and what's around the corner. Another account, another arrow. It's another couch, another arrow, another kitchen. And I just feel trapped. So you just generally don't like Ikea. No, I like Ikea's stuff. there are things that are in, I care that I want to buy. For example, there are pillows, amazing pillows. So soft, cushy, very, very affordable. But I can't be in the store. It gives me anxiety, deeply rooted. Okay. Cause I feel trapped. moving on. So yeah. The gym. There was a play area for you. And then I would go work out and they also offered. Classes right. You could go and take a spin class. In classes, they call it a spin class. And I'll like, oh, it's a bike. How bad could it be? Right. I mean, and there's people in there. Twice my age and three times my age, like. Obviously I can do this. Okay. I go in there and I look closely at the bikes. There is no seat. There is no seat. So I want you to just imagine bike without a seat, and then imagine a person tells you to get on. And then you're on there for about 30 minutes. You're doing all these things and there's no seat. Yeah. And I can't leave the class because my personality, I mean, there are people twice and three times my age who are barely breaking a sweat. I can't leave. I would be embarrassed. So I would call that pride. Yeah. Oh, deeply rooted again. Just we're just digging it out, digging it out there. Dig. David like sand. Yeah. So I stayed, I almost passed out. I made it though. I made it the entire and you hated it. I hated every minute, but I learned a lesson that day. Old people are better than you never take. Never take a spin class. Okay. So anyway, Pilates, I've done that. Yoga. I've done that. Spin class. Done that. And you don't like. You don't like VR that much. I do like VR, but it app it's heavy on my head. So I get nervous about. Cause your mom. I have the game, the supernatural game. Which is, as you know, it's kind of an exercise. Yeah. And you guys paid for the membership for the whole year, so it's $10 a month. They lowered their. They did. Yeah. We know they didn't. Yes, they did. It's $10 a month now. And I haven't been on there for a while It's fun though. It's really fun. If you're spending the money, then you should do it. It's yeah. I know. You're absolutely right. I should play right now. Let's log off. Oh my God. Okay. Okay. I just want you to think. About what makes you happy? Because exercise don't make me happy. Right? I don't like doing it. I'm not the type of person. I know you do seem pretty. Your mood is uplifted. When you go for a walk, you don't go for a walk too often. But when you go for a walk, you feel good? Yeah. But I have to go for a walk. Before I shower. Bright cause you don't wanna smell like outside. The whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. But the shower is self care, so it should be a good thing. But you don't want me to waste your water? The hot water. Oh, my gosh, there was no one home. And we didn't have hot water the whole two days that you guys were gone. And I was like, there's no one home. Where's the hot water going. And I was so upset. Really? Yeah. I don't know what happened, probably because it was so cold, but. That makes no sense. Why is. No. Yeah, I actually, I understand. I think we have an issue. Okay. I do. Okay. Anyway, we need hot water. We're lending so care. Self-care self-care is hot water. Yeah. I think you need a ritual. like a type of ritual that makes you happy. Ooh. Yeah. And to keep that consistent in your life. That's interesting. And lighting a candle for some reason, it just makes me happy. I like the flame. I like how it looks. I like that it's warm and cozy. And I like how it smells. I am a hundred percent aligned with this. Okay. So I asked that we have a candle burning. Mom is very sensitive to candles. But I guess this one's fine. So keep that in mind. I can't either. But it's burning and it makes me happy. And that's what matters. Okay. And if I like sniff it anyway. candles are definitely on my list. All things that make you happy. That's the most I can say because it's different for every single person. There's no way for me to. Get in there and tell you. Right. I know that's the hard part. I just want somebody to tell me what to do. Well, I was just reading that book. I was telling you about the atomic habits book with the habits. He's talking about connecting your habits and stuff like that. So that makes that fits into my strategy right now. Good. What I'm trying to do is just connect things together, Yeah, I agree. I think you should, Write a list of things that drain you, things that. Fill you up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Like my tea, for example, my tea. And I. I like to have a cup of tea at night. Yeah, so that's sleeping. I'm actually not too. I'm not too picky about what type of tea it is. I had orange spice. Like sleep time. Orange spice. Last night. It was, it was actually good. Oh, my word. I don't like it reminded me of apple cider. So. Pawnee suggested this apple cider. Recipe. The other day? Well, it was a couple of weeks ago and it was so delicious. I bought apple cider from the store, but then I put it in the Crock-Pot and threw in. She told me what to throw in. It was like an orange, a lemon, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, all things that I just happen to have in the house. And I did what she said and it smelled delightful. It, it smelled the whole house hot. Hurry. It's popery. Oh, I thought it was popper. It's spelled like pot pre. Popery it's spelled But it's pronounced. Popery popery I think it's see. This is what happens when you're an only child that reads a lot. Yeah. And you just get stuck with the letters, so you don't know what else. I was an only child. Oh, Drum roll. so that was delicious.and it smelled great. It tasted great. It was delicious. Well, that could be a ritual candles like that. Yeah. I invited my girls over to play cards. Tonight. Next next week. And so I'm looking forward to that. Good. That'd be fun. I don't play cards blossom. We've got to move on. Okay. Moving on. Can you make you list? I I'm making a list starting now. It's candle. No, I want you to physically write it down. Oh, Okay. And I want you to keep track and keep it in the back of your mind. Have you considered life coaching as a career? No. You might need to be a little more gentle. I'm. I'm good with, coaching my life. Just coaching yourself. Yeah. And helping the people in it. Yeah. Well, that's the goal of the pod. Help the people let the self-help. people. oh, my gosh, I'm making a list. Candle T that's what I got so far. Jim. Another problem with self care is recognizing when you need it. I feel like if you can get yourself into a regular rhythm of self care, then it's okay. Because we have habits for other things. Oh, you know, it'd be so cute. If you and dad both had self care things together. We're really pushing it. I only have three things on the list. Okay. Well, oh, In Miami watching football. I love to watch you do love watching football. I'm writing that down. That's definitely self-care. All right. Love it. you like eating. The not making. grandma makes amazing food. She does. If she's cooking, I will really eat it. I will really, really. Well, nevermind on that, I guess. Okay. Well Graham's food, but again, I'm involving other people. I can't make people. Graham, could you cook for us, please? Yeah, mom needs a self care day. okay. There are four golden rules of self care. So I'm going to ask you to talk about these. So the first one is self care is a lifestyle. Yeah. It totally is. I would totally agree with that. Tell us, tell us everything. a lot of the time I don't put myself first. So. It is a good mix. Of taking care of other people, the people I love. The people that need tended to. My business. That I actually have, work-related. Such and such. And then there's self care. Yeah. So it's part of the deal. Yep. Okay. Talk about self care is not static. So it doesn't stay the same. Yeah, so. Just a candle, a tee and football that might not always be the thing. Yeah. Okay. And. As you're like actively thinking. From now on. Of what makes you happy and what fulfills you? It's just going to change over time. with it being static. It's not something that you can just do. And then you can say, oh, I'm fine now. Right? Because it may not be fine. It may not be fine. Just because you are doing your regular ritual. So just try to stay in tune with how you're feeling. A hundred percent. Okay. You have to recognize it. Recognition. Wait, acknowledgement is half the battle. Okay. All right. This is the third one. Self care sometimes involved elimination. So when I hear that I'm thinking canceling plans. Well, I don't like that. mindsets change all the time. Way too often, we're going to off the, okay. So. so you think that. Canceling your plans may be a part of self care. Do you feel like that's on a regular basis though? You shouldn't be canceling people on a canceling people. Canceling plans on regular basis? No, no, of course not. Because then you become unreliable, right? And are keeping your commitments. But, I also think that there should be an understanding. Of. Y that elimination is happening. So that's A problem. For a lot of people because they don't feel comfortable enough to say, no, this is pushing my boundary. Right. And I just can't do it today. Sorry. But I will say it's completely different for work. of course, of course it's different professionally. I shouldn't even have to say that. Right. Well, what I was thinking when it says, self care sometimes involves elimination is sometimes there are things that I'm doing that are actually draining the life out of me and then actually don't need to do. That's cause it's on your head that you need to do it, right. So I could just eliminate, or I could delegate. Possibly. You can talk with yourself on why. You think it's necessary? and then make a decision after you evaluate. It takes a lot of mental energy and deconstruction of your own mind. And. really taking apart your own. Freaking brain and seeing what's in there and why it's in there. Right. Okay. So the last one. Is don't compare your self care. Yes. So, this is another thing.for how much time it takes. 'cause some people. They can go a million miles an hour, have one bath of the week. And they're a sane person, right? Yeah. Right. But if they don't have that one bath of the week, Then they will go absolutely ballistic. Right? So I'm just the one. It may look different for one person. It might be just a one little thing. For one person, it might be 10 things per week for another person. Yep. Just depends. A hundred percent. It also depends on what it is because lighting a candle is great for me and you, but it might not be great for somebody else. And it depends on. If you even need it because. How much time you're investing. That matters. It is not a bad thing to spend time on yourself. And that is what is really hard for me. Even though I say, I'm the queen of it. It's really hard for me to balance. Draining. Versus fulfilling. that's my struggle. But everyone's struggle with self care is different. Why do you think we don't take the time to recognize it? Because we want to please other people.because we want to. Get what needs to be done. To get it done. Right. I'm really good at recognizing for myself. If it's too much right. Because when you're out of gas, when I'm at a gas, right? Yeah. I agree with that. I think that you've always been really good at recognizing that I remember even when you were a little kid, You're like, I'm going to go to my room now. It's time for me to do. Yeah. And you would just curl up with a book and that's my self-care. Yep. And then you'd be all right. And did you, I mean, We would be genuinely in the middle of a party. And there would be people everywhere and noise and all types of crazy. And you just. I'm just going to go in my room. Now, if you would go in your room and close tour. And that would be that you just stay in there with your book. And you'd be fine. Yeah. And, That is a good thing for me because I personally. I have a lot of hobbies that I can. Indulge myself in, right. That make me feel fulfilled and happy. Including reading right. You know, what else is convenient? Is that a lot of your things that fill you up are also things you can do on your own reading? Painting drawing. Sewing. It's all. Like you don't need any other people. I feel like other people need other people to. Fill their bucket. Sometimes, but I know you don't need to know Campbell. To fill your bucket. I just want to be by myself. How do you feel about woodworking? Because how, how much does it stress you out? I'd like to do it because. I like to create eight things. I also like to restore things. And take something old and. Tattered. That no one wants and turn it into something beautiful. But does that drain you? The end result. Fills me up. But I want to see it completed pretty quickly. if it's a very long project that I need to be able to see. The short-term pieces that add up to the longterm project. And the thing about woodworking and projects, especially at home, it's like you always run into a snag. And that drains me because it's always like, oh, I don't have the right screws for this. Or, oh, I don't have the right piece of wood or, oh, this actually snapped in half and I have to go buy a new one. Is it when you're doing? I don't know if I played that for everybody, but. Only for me when I'm in the middle of a project, I was like, uh, something is going to go wrong. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's draining for me, but listen, listen. Okay. Something, this is something I'm learning too. Hmm. I used to run into that all the time for sewing.with the actual machine, those are just problems that I can't. Right fix. Right. But whenever, and like, when you're talking about you don't have the right supplies, that's something that is out of your control. Right. But. I'm talking about. Taking the creative liberties. And even if something doesn't work out to just scrap it, And try something else. So there's been multiple times where my end product doesn't look like how I envisioned it. Yeah, because I had to take shortcuts basically. Right. Um, I understand that. Yes, exactly. That happens to me. I only know this because I just was, I was just drawing the other day. For the first time in a really long time, but I remember drawing. And it didn't go the way that I want it to go. And so then I just made something new. Which is all great and well, when you're drawing, but when you're working with wood, it's expensive. You can't just scrap the piece of wood. It's not, I'm not saying scrap the piece of wood. I'm saying. Like if I use the fabric that I have. You saying bill? I'm still gonna use. The fabric. Yeah, it's not, I'm not, I don't, maybe I'm just not skilled enough to be able to. Use the dang thing. Just chop off the broken part. But that's what I'm saying. It's not about simple. You can't just chop off a broken part. Everything has the mentions. And I know, but there's ways around it that you're not thinking. I think I'm just not skilled. I think we hit the nail on the head there and see how I just did that pun. It's very punny. I don't think I'm the skilled enough to just be able to throw. throw. stuff together. Not with. I'm not saying throw stuff together. I'm saying. Do with what you got? Yeah. And, maybe I'm not that creative. I don't know. The mystery exists. Take your break. Brain. Oh, wow. Pull it apart. You're yelling at me. Yeah. See. I See. why throw it out. It is the way it is. That takes time. Yeah, and we're not going to get it done in. Podcast. Oh man. Too bad. Well, is there anything else that you'd like to talk about before we go dear?I feel like we're so much fun, usually. I'm trying to get you to dissect a brain. Not today. Well, maybe I'll be more fun on the day. I'm not trying to dissect your brain. Is that what you're saying? Um, probably interesting. Achieve your dreams and be happy. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, maybe what we can do next is before we go, rather Maybe we can ask. other people what they do for their self care. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. Because I need RDS. I can't even start thinking about what other people would do, because I just love what I do. So much. I just need ideas. Yeah. Idea person. I think, yeah, that's another. Yeah. Well, I have three things on my list so far, so we've made headway. Just keep that list open next to a pen. Open tab. Yes. All right. I'm going to have to find anything. Yup. Anyway. All right, well that is it for today. Thank you for listening. Thank you page. For coming on the pod today? No prob. Thanks for listening in everyone. And Hey, do you want to be a part of the show, call or text? Also let us know. What have you doing for your own self care? I need to have ideas, so help me. Be better. Call or text the (864) 619-1683. Or you can share your story, self care tips, tricks, ideas, whatever you want. We will take them all. And also calling all bosses. Would you share this episode with someone you think would like it? Our goal is to inspire and equip others, but we can not do it. Alone and listen from, we know it's not easy, but remember that whatever it is, you're walking through, you are not alone and together we can make the world a better place to work. Thanks for listening team. Take care and see you next week. Bye.