BaB Update: What's Really On Your Mind?

whatever you're about to say next, is racist. Yes, it is. So, and the people around you that hear you say that, they know that it's, they know, they know. Generally speaking, I'm shaking my head. If someone says that, I'm shaking my head. And frankly, don't bother. Please don't talk to me. I don't, I don't want, I don't want to hear the rest of what you have to say. Look, I'm like, be open. And then I'm like, don't talk to me. Uh, yeah, no, I don't, I don't want to hear it. Be open also, I'm completely closed in this conversation. Hey there friends and welcome to Becoming a Boss where we take some time each week to talk about a specific situation at work. I'm your host Megan and today I'm back with my lovely friend Walita. Hello, hello, hello. So listen, if you've been following along you know that we already talked. About some different things and we have Stories that are kind of out there and pending So we want to circle back. Let's circle back. We're doing a circle back episode run it back and we're gonna do updates I like updates So, we need to know where the cruise people are, we have holiday party updates, um, something else, so it's gonna be fun. But first I have to tell you a story. Tell me a story, I love stories. Story time! So, Gemma was sick for a few days. Okay, we get to the point where She's lethargic. Oh no. She is unresponsive, and you know, she's very blah blah. She's very out there. So for her to be unresponsive was, I mean, her temperature was high. She was walking into walls. Oh my gosh. Okay, and let's tell the people how old Jemma is. Jemma's three. For context. Sorry. Okay. Jemma's three. Not supposed to be walking into walls anyway. Right, no, no. and she's very, uh, what's the word? You know, coordinated. She is very coordinated. You know, she can catch and throw. Okay. all that to say, we call the Teladoc. Yes. Teladoc confirms we should take her in. So that scares us even more. Because Teladoc says take her in, so we take her in. So we get there, the nurse takes us back. Dr. Smith comes in, does these checks, right? Checks for this, checks for that, checks for this. and tells us What's going on? You know, blah, blah. Alright, so time out. We're gonna do this. Ready? You have to give me three adjectives really quick. what Dr. Smith looks like. Ready? Go. Oh, gosh. Dr. Smith is Um, he's tall. Uh huh. He Has good hair. Okay, and He has a mustache. Okay. I don't know if that's an adjective. Okay, um, mustachian. Sure. Okay, well here's the game before I tell you the rest of the story. in my mind the person was like, Oh, Dr. Smith's about to come in. And like you, I assumed Dr. Smith would be a male. Uh huh. White. Uh huh. And older. Yes. And I didn't really, I didn't see the mustache thing. the reason that I'm saying this is because our brains, this is what I learned, our brains have this unconscious bias. Yes, it's not a bad thing. No, it's a human thing human thing yeah, and the reason that our brains do it is because it wants to So that we can make decisions faster, which is really good when you're running from a lion because you have to make quick decisions Yes, but when you're in leadership and you have these assumptions in your head She brought it there Wow Yeah, so there's ways we can fight this. I'm gonna give you one two three. I don't know how many I'm gonna give you Okay, one is well, okay This was not my invention of a game. Gemma's fine, by the way. Um, end of story. okay, but wait, can I know if Dr. Smith how close or far were they from my So Dr. Smith was a young black female. Okay, amazing. So I was nowhere near. All right. So, okay. How do we fix ourselves from thinking like that? Okay, so here's number one. Number one. take two seconds. Mm-Hmm. . And imagine the situation before you walk in. Okay. Whatever the situation is. And then take two more seconds and reimagine. So, I'm going to see Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith might be an order weight male, with a mustache. Or, Dr. Smith might be So, to reimagine. And by the way, this game is from a lady who is way smarter than me. Okay, she played this game on TED Talk. Wow. It was awesome. I'll send you the link. And she's trying to explain that you shouldn't try to Act like you don't have in there because we all do. It's a literally part of our brain processing. So it's in there. It helps us make decisions faster. It's not a bad thing, but you have to acknowledge it. Right. Because it has a time and a place. Right. And if we don't acknowledge it, we can't change it. Right. And if he ain't growing. You're dying. Thank you. All right, so my number one is to Reimagine that's what the lady said number two watch a TED talk This lady would be a good one of them to watch three read a book Cause there's lots about, I mean, in the spirit of MLK junior day, right between the world and me was one of my favorite books. It was also sad. I mean, it was sad. Um, because he's writing a letter to his son. I have a hard time with that. I have a hard time. I have a hard time. And it was one of these books. I think it, I think it might've been that one. It might've been how to be an anti racist, but one of these books is when I realized this is really, I, this is what broke me down. Okay. When I realized that the mother of black son or daughter has to make a choice. Are you going to send your kid into the world unprepared and act like there's no racism? Or, are you going to prepare them for the world that they live in, thus perpetuating the very system that we're trying to fight against? Wow. That's an impossible situation to be in. It is, which is why I'm still like That's an impossible situation to be in. It is. There's like no solution. And I was, I was just so angry. Yeah, I don't envy that position. And it's not even just, um, if you're black, I mean people of color, all types of people. It's I Yeah, I mean Yeah, I don't I don't want to compare or pretend it's in the same vicinity But I had to when my son started driving and stuff. I had to tell him like look just He's a little darker cuz he's He's not he's not a white male. Mm hmm, right? He is not a white male right period right and that's the trick and that's the trick and so I just wanted him to be aware like You know, a cop may or may not, but just, just be prepared. Just be prepared and don't Like be extra be extra respectful be extra on the on the positive side, right? Because we need anything in our favor where you can possibly have right because the odds may already be Tilted. Yes, you know, so just be extra respectful extra courteous extra mindful extra Hands shown if you need extra extra Yeah, and you hate that you have to explain stuff like that, but you do. Well, yeah, that's the only way to protect them. You don't ever want to tell a child or a kid or anybody, you don't like the thought just the thought of making a kid at any age at any stage aware that the world is not this kind rosy place that like that's devastating because it's like, you know, children come to the world with innocence and You know, they don't know hate or or malice or anything like that. So I feel like that is the the painful part of that is that in protecting them you're also kind of making them jaded in a way and and I Don't know. I yeah, I hate it, but it's safe. Oh or Not safe. Hopefully safer. Yes, just by preparing them because I mean my friend was telling me I young black man friend has a son and You have to explain you have to you have to what to do It's a process this this this has to all happen if you get pulled over. Yeah. All right. Well, well now that we're sad I know I'm sorry. Let me tell you something. That's uh Okay, so wait, so what was the other way besides reimagining? What are the other things we're doing? Oh, watch a Ted Talk. Read a book, watch a Ted talk, read a book. And do you have, and the, the book was, can you remind us? Do you have the suggestion? The book? Oh, yeah. I can put it in the, in the thing. Okay. Yes. But, I read a series of books in a row, so I think the sequence of them helped me to identify a trend. But between the world and me was really impactful. And how to be an anti racist, and the other one I think is a movie, it's called The Hate You Give, and that one, because I read it and I, I think I've seen it. It's a movie, yeah, for sure. Yeah. So I'll put the, I mean, but it really doesn't, it's, I'm not saying this is what you need to do, I'm saying be open. Yes. To change, and I mean that in every context, because if you want to become a boss, you have to learn. Right. You have to learn period and you have to continue to learn because it's an it's an ever changing world yes, and I think being open is a great way of wording it because You know if you don't if you're not open to the fact that maybe you do have unconscious bias that because people want to say and maybe they think oh, I don't see color Oh, I don't think like that. Oh, I don't. Oh, my best friend is black. Oh, that. It doesn't mean that you're not biased towards a certain way of thinking and just be open to the fact that there's other ways and there's other thoughts and people are having different experiences. Yeah. I listened separately to this lady talk about brain function. And it was incredible and she also was talking about unconscious bias because you don't know it's there it's not on the front operating system. It's on the back end. And the reason it's there, like I said, it's to save us time. so that we can make decisions faster. Well, guess what? The world that we live in today is moving really, really fast. So we have to make decisions quicker. But back in the day, we were hunting for food, right? Which took a lot of time. So our brains evolved from that to this, which is good because look how far we've come. But it's also like you have to be able to take a minute and take into consideration somebody else's opinion. Right. And so that's, kind of what she was talking about. If you just slow yourself down and think things through for your own self instead of just, Oh, that's another thing you can do. Check your feed. See what you're eating. Mm hmm. Because it's called a feed for a reason, right? Is your whole feed all the same color? Right. They all look exactly, right, the same because if you are you're getting one view. Just one view and one experience. And let me find out if Instagram and Facebook knows you better than you know you, you Okay. Also one more thing while I'm on one. If you ever say, not you, you would never say this, but if you, if a person ever says I'm not a racist, but. That's, no. Nope, nope, nope. I promise you, whatever you're about to say next, is racist. Yes, it is. So, and the people around you that hear you say that, they know that it's, they know, they know. Generally speaking, I'm shaking my head. If someone says that, I'm shaking my head. And frankly, don't bother. Please don't talk to me. I don't, I don't want, I don't want to hear the rest of what you have to say. Look, I'm like, be open. And then I'm like, don't talk to me. Uh, yeah, no, I don't, I don't want to hear it. Be open also, I'm completely closed in this conversation. Okay, okay, okay. This is a great subject though, because I get really upset when the world kind of gets in a tizzy about something somebody famous did. All right. Oh gosh. And here's why I'm getting a tizzy about it. Every day now. It's okay to talk about if you're just trying to talk about stuff. However. We can't live our lives this way because guess what? You don't know her, right? You don't know her. No, so do you really have a say in how she lives her life because you don't know what she's been through You don't know her trauma. You don't like No, you don't know at all. So, here's your job, okay? Your job is to keep me in check because I'm your friend. Ha ha ha. And you have your own people around you, right? And I have people around me. And we're, that's our job is to help keep each other on track with love. Yes, because we want to care for each other and help each other and encourage each other out of love. And you can't do that to a person you don't know. No, and they don't, why do we even care what somebody says? Who's over there? You don't know me. No, and they don't care what we have to say either. Ugh. But like, what do you, are you talking about like Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift kind of thing or like, because people are so invested in that. Oh my gosh, I love them. Me too. Or, or do you, or are you talking about like different things? I mean in general. I think people get in a, in a tizzy about stuff that they really don't need to be in a tizzy about. Yeah, that's true. Like just be quiet. Just be quiet. Um, Okay. Holiday party. Oh gosh. We had some people who sent us some stuff. Yes. Yeah. So, if you recall, I thought you were going to disagree with me on this. On which one? On the holiday party, I was like, you have to go. You have to, yeah. No, I like attending events. Yeah, well guess what so here's what some people commented. Mm hmm Do I have to go if my boss has been borderline inappropriate with me? Oh, and I'm not sure how I'd feel. comfortable in an almost non work setting. So I said No. In that case, absolutely not. In that case, no. But also why do you, where's hr? Where's hr? You know, HR is non-existent in some environments. I think we all know that. Yes. Oh yeah. So in that case, no, absolutely not. There's always exceptions to every rule there is. So be open. Be open, and also use your noggin. I mean, take your experiences, add them all up, ask people around you that you trust. Don't go on Facebook. Don't ping it somewhere. So anyway, yeah. So in that case. Yeah. And then also consider, do you want to work there? Yeah. Also no. For you. Also no. No, that's toxic and not good. It's abusive and it's not good. So yeah, in that case, no, you're excused. Okay, another one. So here's the scenario. The holiday party, they weren't allowed to bring their spouses unless they have kids. So this person Excuse me. What do you mean unless they have kids? Yeah, unless they had kids because they did like a gift thing with the kids. And so the person felt what does the spouse have to do with the gift with the kids? why can't the spouse come without a kid? I I don't understand that rule and also I'm not following so it I'll tell you what happened, I'm guessing of course, I don't know. I'm guessing that a small organization used to have 10 employees. Okay. And of the 10 employees, they had three families, eventually had kids, and it was like a kid party. Like they invite the kids, they sit on Santa's lap, they get presents. Well that's cute, but what if someone else wants to come and they don't yet have kids? Why can't my husband just sit there? Yes, so that was the person's Yeah, but that company is ridiculous. Yes. Why can't the husband come? Let the husband come is the real answer. But this person is not in charge of the company, obviously. She's saying so, do I have to go? That's a tough one. Oh, that's a tough one because I like attending, but I would definitely want to attend with my spouse. I And more than somebody telling me don't bring him is is the reason that reason doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not getting it Um, yeah, well that well if she doesn't have clarity on that idea, then that means they didn't do a good job. They didn't do a good job explaining it. So. Ah, Wow. That's a tough one because I want to come with my spouse, but I wonder if there's a way of compromising. Also, what if she can't have kids? No, it's crazy. That rule is just crazy because it's alienating and, and you're going to make people feel weird. It's like a lawsuit too, right? What if somebody can't or won't? What if somebody just won't? What if somebody is just not called to be a mom, a parent, and they have chosen to do something different? We're not going to villainize them or make them feel othered. We're like, you don't belong here. No, I, nobody should go to this party. I'm sorry. Yeah. I can't, I can't go to this party. I'm sorry. And also you should, if you didn't already, just maybe. Say that that's not a good policy. No, I would, I would at least, at the very least, ask clarifying questions. Because this policy is not sitting right with me. Help me understand. Right, it's, it's not sitting right with me. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Yes, we are very sorry. We're sorry basically for every podcast. For the whole thing. So, okay, next one. Every year the company has a roasting session. Well, okay, so some people can take that kind of stuff better than others, and some people like it because they have material that they like to put forth in their roast. So some people like it as an opportunity to come tell people how they feel in a joking way and it's fun, it's all fun, right? Some people like it based on that. You're generous. Well, I think Shoot, it depends on the culture, right? If that is if it's a culture where it's generally acceptable to for people to Correct each other's behavior in the form of sarcasm Yes, which there are cultures where that is believe it or not the norm Here's the thing if the policy for accountability is sarcasm and jokes. We have really a lot bigger problems I'm no's across the board. I said you have to go to the party. Yes. Okay. now I'm saying, well, there was actually some reasons that I would say you don't have to go. And lastly, somebody told me Okay, so You're gonna you're gonna love this. So somebody told me that boy I wish my colleague had listened to the holiday pod because they ended up getting fired for one of the things that we listed Did they get you drunk? Married. That is like such a classic thing No, like did you not watch any movies? It is literally a classic mistake that people make at parties how is this not a popular thing now of like don't do this Big neon signs. And where are your friends that are not like, I want to be at a work party with coworkers that are going to be like, Hey, come here, come here. You're getting too friendly with that person. Come here. No, no, no. Yeah. Shut it down. Or like, here's some coffee. Yes, water. Or let's go to the club. To the actual club. I mean, yeah, if you're gonna do all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Where it belongs. Yeah, but like, yeah, I want coworkers that are gonna be looking out for me a little bit. I mean, and I say me. Obviously. Obviously, because you're a problem. No, I was gonna say obviously No one would need to take care of me I mean, did you see me at church the other day? I lose my mind when I see my husband come from across the way. Did you see? Did you see I bring my bible to church? No, did you see when he was coming down there? I like I just I like it was Just, yeah. So yeah. That's how I, that's where I'm at. So, me, I wouldn't be the one hitting on people at the thing, but people need to look out for each other. Where's your co workers? Where's your people? Why are they letting you act a fool? Yeah. maybe you want to re examine your environment if you don't have people. First of all, you know what, there's a lot to examine here, actually. Yeah, but that's why we're here that's gonna help and of course we're each responsible for our own behavior Obviously, but I will pull you by your hair so fast if I see you doing something Don't give it to you. No, like seriously Yeah, because you should have people around you who you love and trust and care for. Okay, you gotta have people Also, who are brave enough to say something. Yes, who are brave enough to say, This is not your best self. This is, I know this is not who you want to be. Alright, so, World Cruise. Okay. Oh my gosh. Where were they? Okay, so, first and foremost, I used to think this would have been a dream come true. And I I'm no longer. No longer in that theory. I'm no longer in that theory and this is why. So, okay, I've learned so much. Have you ever heard of the Drake's Passage? No. Like Drake Drake? Like, well, it's not. It's named Drake. It's the same name but it's not like named after him or anything but. Go ahead. It is a body of water It is a body of water that you've got to go to to get to Antarctica Okay, which is where they went where they are now just now. Okay And what people say is you need to get the Drake Lake which is just super peaceful water as you're crossing or Alternatively you get the drake shake And the ultimate world cruisers got the drake shake and I am like abort abort. I no longer want it I am i'm out so I mean somebody showed a video of the ship now these ships are You know, I don't know huge huge. I don't know how many feet tall but like they're super tall Yeah, this particular poster is on them for this sake this particular one has Helipad, okay, so You know, for pregnant people, it's pretty high. well there were on the video that you could see waves hitting the helipad. No! Yes! That's how big these waves are. Okay, I'm looking to see. This is Yeah, so this ship is 106 feet wide, 965 feet long. has, that's really nice. 13 decks. So that's huge. Each deck is like a. floor in a hotel. Yeah. So it's like, it's so tall. But so were they all inside? People, yes. So they were on lockdown. Yes. So the ship was on lockdown. You could not, they drained the pools and for about, I think they said 22 hours or something, they could not leave their rooms because it was, the lady said for her to go. Six feet in her room just to go to the restroom It took her a while because she had to like keep holding on to stuff every step because they were she said I feel like I was tossed in a washing machine Okay, that's how much it was rocking and shaking. No big no and they were so the day before They were told to basically start preparing. So people were swallowing Dramamine, ginger shoes, putting the patches, putting the bands, all the things, stocking up their rooms with green apples, with the crackers, with the ginger ale, but can you imagine like to prepare to be sick basically for a day and a half? But then it went to Antarctica. And they saw the most gorgeous, I mean, the icebergs, the penguins, the glacier, I mean it was, it is beautiful. It is otherworldly. It is literally otherworldly. So is it worth it? Because how many days of drink shake? Uh, it was about 30 hours altogether, they said. But I, I, my thing is, and I'm watching this closely, but I believe now that on the way back, I don't think there's like a different route. They have to go through the drink shake again. Well, is it gonna be, I mean, sometimes it's still Sometimes it's still. So they just wait. I would just be like, bro, could we Yeah, I'm not sure. They, they altered the route just a tad bit to make weather just a little bit better. but yeah, they saw all the penguins. It was so cute. They showed like little penguin highways that the penguins have to, among all the snow. They create the thing. So now movie these little what which it's a kid's movie. Oh, are they? Jimin does the clap. Oh, I'm not Anyway, it was just magical It was magical to see now this one kid I follow he was sent there by a brand a brand sponsored his trip, but he's only going for 18 days Oh, now something like that. I feel like I can do it. Yeah, I feel like 18 days. I can do It 8, 500 for the he didn't pay it. Yeah, they did the sponsor and They sent him a bunch of books and he's gonna do a book club. he's like, okay This company sent me all these books You guys pick one for me to read. I'm not a reader. I like reading but this is the company that sent me So i'm gonna be reading You guys pick a book. So the voters voted for a book and he is now holding a book club I believe today I will be watching because he is really funny Yes. so they've been, they've been to a lot of places, but like him right now, now he's been to every continent. I love books. Send me. Who's the people? I think it's called Aria Books or something. He went on TikTok and he said, put a camera on the ship, put a camera on the ship. It's going to be like a reality show. Or just send me. I'll get the content, Audra, and he got sponsored. Send me! He got sponsored, and he went, and somebody paid, and he's there. aside from that, I'm messing up my life. I can feel it. Aside from that, the big drama is that the Pinnacle members, The Pinnacle members are the ones that have, the highest, highest ranking on the ship. There's more Drama? They've been there for so, like, they've been there however many years. Okay. I think you have to be on a cruise ship 700 nights or something to get that status. 700 nights is two years. I'm like Emerald. There's like Pinnacle. And Pinnacle is like the top. So they're like, you know, usually older people. And so the other people are saying that the Pinnacler, the Pinnaclers or whatever you call them, are being like, what's the word? Annoyed, aggravated, assaulted. At the like, at the like little people. So like this particular kid, he cursed in one of his videos and you could hear an older pinnacle person, Excuse me, young man, we do not use that language over here. Like, yeah, I don't know. So that is the thing, um, that is the only drama. But it's so cute, they had a penguin party. Last night to celebrate Antarctica, they had a penguin party. Everybody was dressed kinda like penguin ish. he put a fur coat and called himself a baby penguin. You know how they have like the fur when they're born. Anyway, they had a penguin party. Oh, and they brought a giant chunk of Antarctica ice onto the ship for people to touch and take pictures. So that's my update. All right. Well, that's a great update. I'm engaged. Yeah. So now we know about Drake's Passage and it's not that easy to get to Antarctica. Yeah, but worth it. It is worth it. I think so. I love it. It's beautiful. I would just not want to go through. Just, just wait. Just wait until it. I don't get it, but okay. But I wanted the update, and I expect that you'll keep us updated throughout this. All the time, every time, till September. Let's see, where are we at? Let's check where we're at, because it just flies by, so I'll just end it here, Praises. Oh Lord you deserve. Only you deserve all. Praises. I woke up singing that this morning. Really? Yeah. Well, didn't we sing it in church? We did, but that was two days ago, and look at us. Symbiotic. Okay, I can't wait to do this episode. So we're gonna do another episode. Mm-Hmm. , how insecure are you? Oh wow. Oh my gosh. It's gonna be so good. Is it? Yeah, it is. It's painful. We're not gonna talk about ourselves. Don't, so it's fine. . Okay, good. All right, so that's it for today. Hey, thank you everyone for listening in today. And Hey, do you want to be a part of the show, call or text? 8 6 4 6 1 9 1 6 8 3. To share your story and we will get into it about what the leader should have done differently. And listen, friend. we know it's fun, easy, but remember that whatever it is you're walking through, you are certainly not alone and together. We can make the world a better place to work. Thanks for listening team. Take care and see you next week