Is your boss basic?

Hey there, friends and welcome to Becoming a Boss where we take some time each week to talk with someone who's wrestling with a specific situation at work. I'm your host, Megan, here today with a Wallace. Hello. And today we're going to talk about. Well, We want to know if your boss's basic. Phone's really mean. We might go off the rails a little bit on this episode. I mean, here's the thing. It just, it upsets me when people don't treat their people. Well, I get upset. Especially when. It's something that can be easily corrected or easily avoided. we're hoping that if you are in fact making one of these quote unquote rookie mistakes that you would. Right. Your path. Consider it. Consider writing your path? Yes. For the sake of the people. Yes. And yourself. When you grow as a leader, like, I mean, if you, I can do something better. So you're growing yourself. Yeah. And I'm a person who wants to learn all the time. I want to be better. I'm assuming that other people want to be better. Yes. If we're not growing, we're dying. That's really good kind of harsh, but that is the bottom line. It is. Think about the people who just stay in the same. No. It is like a death in a way. Cause you're not evolving. Well, the rest of the world is moving forward. Exactly. With or without you, right. And you're saying. And a place. Yeah. And another one of my favorite quotes is my Angela. She said, when you know better, you do better for crying out loud. Yeah. She didn't say it for crying out loud, but yes, but we cannot that we that's what our job is. We're ad-libbing. She Would be okay with that? I do. I agree. She was the best. So we're just going to buckle up and talk about your boss might be basic. If. If he, she. She give us an example. You're never In the office. Been there done that. because of your bosses, never an office, why aren't they an office? What's a good reason. devil's advocate. They're doing big things. I don't know. I guess it depends on their job or their outs. If they're outselling, if they're out getting customers, if they're out promoting the business, if they're out. Let me read them again. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fair, fair, fair. Let me say never available. Let me change the verbiage. They're not available to you. So they're not an office or they're never available. Yeah, that's not, I don't, I can't think of a good excuse for that because your job is to help the people. Right. And be there for the people. Correct. And so either a you're actually not available or B. They have a perception that you're not available. Oh, what about in the devil's advocate arena? What about if their boss is also never available and that's just what they. Do they think is normal. they think is. Some of the top. That's something that, people say, and it is so true. It is true, but that's what we're doing. The podcast. So that we can tell you because we don't, I don't have anything to lose. I'm just going to straight out, tell you that this is not okay. Right? It's not okay if you're not available to your people. Whatever your boss is doing or not doing. It's not. Okay. No. What, if you are the people, how do you approach that? If you are the people and your bosses basic. Yeah. Well, you have to make your own decisions, I think, but. It depends. Some people are okay working. What's the word autonomously yeah. on your own. You don't need direction. You don't need people, which is fine to an extent. Yeah, but there's going to be times when you need answers. So can you get the answers that you need? And what is the level that you're willing to live with? But okay. Just logistically pretend that I was a person and my boss was on available. I would schedule a meeting with her. On the calendar. Okay. Her him. I would schedule a meeting. And I would expect her, him too. Show Up to the meeting. if the boss did not show up to the meeting, I would, that's really sad. Which could happen though, again? Again, Yes, it happens. Partly. So let's say they do show up. Okay. And They show up and you, what do you say? Well, respectfully you have to be prepared and this is my take on a meeting, no matter who you are, if you are the scheduler or the schedule. Lee. I want to know what the meeting's about. Yes. It's the agenda. If you schedule me into a meeting, I expect you to make sure that I know what the meeting's about. Okay. If you are going to write that in the email, If you just write in the invitation. You just say, here's what the meeting is about. It doesn't have to be a dissertation. It could be one sentence or two sentences or a couple of bullet points. Or if it's a regular meeting, we already know what it's about. So it doesn't really necessarily have to. So if you were the, the people scheduling a meeting with your boss, To discuss or what have bullet points in the agenda beforehand. Let's. Whatever I need to discuss. Oh. What are we bringing up to them? The fact like, is it okay? Is it ever okay to tell your boss you're not meeting my expectations? I think it is. Okay. I think it is. Is it dangerous? It is. Yeah. Yeah. It is dangerous because you don't know the type of reaction you might get. Right. And backlash is a real thing. It is a real thing. So. And backlash can be worse depending on there's other things, other factors, too, some people get treated badly for no good reason. Right. So it might even be even more harsh, right? this is a whole lot subjective. I hate to really give people advice on how to approach your own personal boss, because I don't. No, I wouldn't be afraid. For a person to get them. Yes. Because if you don't know what's going to happen. Real. Yeah. And you don't know what's on the other side of that. So maybe we approach it by telling the people what to do for themselves. If they are experiencing. Uh, basic boss. Yeah. But if they're not available, I mean, I think it's okay to, to say, Hey, I schedule this meeting because I have things to go over. I mean, what do you need them for? Is the question. So you need to talk to your boss. What do you need them for? Exactly. Because they may not know that they're needed. Right. if I have outstanding questions, So I used to have a boss. who was very, very busy. He was a great boss, by the way. And he was very busy, but he did keep his one-on-ones with me. And we usually would just chat about life or whatever. But I always would kind of have a list of things that I needed his input on, whether it was a decision that I didn't feel comfortable making on my own. Orhouse has been handled in the past? Because I've only been around a little bit, right. Or whatever, but I would be. We were in office at this time. So I would literally have a sticky note with three things on there and I would take him to his office. And we would chat, but before we would chat, I would say here, here are my things and he would answer all my questions. And then we would chat for the rest of the time. Right? And that was how we handle things. And he was, and that was one of the things that made him a really good boss because he, he never failed. He never failed me. He always answered my question or gave me the direction to go. There was never a point where he just like, wow, I don't know. Like. Yeah. Open-ended. I didn't leave you to have to always figure it out for yourself or he would say figure it out. Right. And that's okay too. It's an answer. That's an answer. And I was okay with that, but some things, depending on what it was. I just want to make sure, Hey, let me run this by you. He was a great boss. He always kept his one-on-one meetings and he always answered my questions. I think that's really. One of the things that makes us be able to have a good relationship is communication. Yes. I'm okay to talk with you. You're okay. To talk with me, even when things aren't peachy keen all the time. Right. And if you don't feel comfortable to approach your boss, maybe that's something you should ask yourself. Is it okay? With you that you're not okay. Right. And comfortable to talk with your boss. Is that a person you're okay to work for? Right. And then the other aspect is your boss may not even know that they're not approachable or not available or that they seem not available. They may not even know. So in that aspect, I think it's okay. That you at least. Just maybe bring that to their attention or just ask them a question like, Hey, I. Was wondering, I had a few things that I wanted to discuss with you. Would you be available? Right after this meeting, can you stay on a few minutes or should I schedule a separate meeting or just ask? Yeah. And if they say no, I don't think there's any danger in just asking that. And if they, you know, And they say no. Then, then I think. Then you have other considerations to make, right? Yes. You can go from there, but at least you voiced your opinion, ask the question and you put it up there. Yeah, I like it. How else may, what else may, um, B. Oh, basic. Yeah, the makings of a basic boss. Well, speaking of meetings, there, there are a couple of things that are just so green, in my opinion. You don't put any notes in the meeting, so you don't know what the meetings about. if you don't know what the meeting's about, then how do you prepare. How do you know if you're even supposed to be in the meeting? And also I think. People can get kind of scared with meetings that you don't. Definitely. When you don't know what it's about, you know, then you just wonder, well, what is this about? Is it, is it bad? Is it good? Is, are we getting laid off? Is there. Is it, whatever. Yes. If you go to extremes. Yes. And our minds do that. They will fill in the gap. If we don't have an answer, we will fill it in right. Not good. No. So that is one thing. None. And also, I'm about efficiency. if I don't know what the meeting is about, how do I prepare? Maybe I need to get something before the meeting, but I don't know. I need to get it because you didn't say what the meeting was about. How am I supposed to know. Right. What am I a mind reader? Pet peeve. It takes two seconds. Just type in a sentence, or maybe you would have had some questions to bring that you wanted to ask anyway. And now that you know, this meeting is about this, you come prepared. And that way you ask the questions in front of the other team members and everybody benefits from the answer potentially. But if you don't know, it's a waste of time. As a waste of time. And that's where I'm saying, if you are wasting time, then you're wasting money.The bottom line. and staying on the thread of meetings. another thing that I've seen people do a lot is they just schedule you over other things. say you already have a meeting in your calendar. And I'm trying to schedule a meeting between you and some other people. Well, if I'm trying to schedule a meeting, then I have to coordinate your calendar. And her calendar and his calendar, because I needed to make sure that you guys are all available. Right. All right. So if you are not available, then you would have it blocked already. Yes. So my job as the scheduler is to make sure that I find an open space. Yes. If I can't find an open space. I'm going to have to do something additional to find an open space, right. Let's say. Frick, frack and religious. Everybody needs to come to the meeting, but for logis calendars booked all the way until next year. I may reach out directly to her for religious and say, Hey for religious. We're having an issue because your calendar is blocked till 20, 25. What are we supposed to do about this? we need to talk to you about. Dah, dah, dah, do you want me to skip you? Or is there anything that's on your calendar that as a block that is actually, cause sometimes people block time in their calendar, but it's really like. Oh, yeah. At that time. Oh, I definitely do that. They know. Yes. So when you reach out, they'll say, oh, no, actually. This time works right. But it will take an extra step. The lazy thing to do, or the basic thing to do would be to just book it anyways. Then we post calendar. I have had done unreal. Yeah. On real. Now we're going to step into whatever your company called jurors about. Cause this may be different. But I will tell you. For the companies that I worked for, I am not going to. Except meeting. If I'm already booked. Right. 98% of the time. I'm not going to do it. Because you knew darn well, when you scheduled that meeting that I was already booked. And if you really wanted me there, you would've reached out to me individually to say, I really need you there. Is there anything that you can do, right. Would that be looked as insubordinate by a boss? If you don't accept them, if they double book you and you don't accept their meaning. That'd be like, okay. No. Okay. That's a great question because who's scheduling the meeting. It depends. If your colleague is scheduling, the meeting is different than if your boss is scheduling the meeting. What if your boss is doing it? I just am, take the time to look or they feel like, because they're the boss, they have the upper hand. Yeah. And that is a conversation that. if it was me. And my boss double booked me. I would, I would go right in there. And I would be like, Hey boss. Um, here's what happened. Here's situation. How do you want me to handle this? Get an answer from him. Or her. And then also ask, is this how you want me to handle it going forward? Because I'm going to do a whole other, we're going to do a whole, other thing about how to get promoted. Okay. Whole thing, but. Moving up in the company. if that's your goal is to move up in the company, then you want your boss, your boss is your best advocate. And so you want to make sure that you're on board and in line with whatever it is that they want you to do. So if they want you to ignore everything else and accept their meeting, if that's my boss, that is exactly what I'm going to do, because that's their direction. I report to them and that's the end of it. Right. We don't love it. But that's what we have. I'm just saying that's what I'm going to do, because that's what they said. Yeah. I've never had a boss actually telling me that. Ever. I also don't have bosses that double book me. Right. Typically. Typically, typically. I have had a boss, double book me and then call and be like, I'm so sorry. I just double booked you. But I had to because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I mean, Yeah, it is what it is sometimes what happens. Sometimes we have emergencies. Yes, that's understandable. It is, but if you all the time do it. Your basic. Yes, that's the answer. Wow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No. It's true. Because it's disrespectful. This is respectful. The implication is my time is more important than anybody else's really certainly yours. Yeah. Yeah. Like it. That's not cute. It's not. It's not cute at all. No. What else would make a boss? Basic. we have a lot going on about meeting, so let's think about other things with meetings. Being linked to a meeting that you scheduled. Oh, my gosh, being late to a meeting that you scheduled. Yikes. Alright, well, being late to a meeting period. Is probably not a good look for you. Good luck. Especially, if you make a habit of this. No good. And it also communicates the same thing that you said earlier. It's nobody's time matters. Only your time matters. Just mine. And that is that okay? That is rude. Yeah. That is rude. But yeah, to be late to the meeting that you scheduled. That's something else. On my face. That's really bad. Yeah. We'll have things to do. Right. But again, if it's a one-time occurrence, well, yes, one time we're not going to judge anybody as labeled them as basic over one time. Not one time. Anything. No, but if this is a habit, Basic. Very basic. Or another thing that you could do to battle that if you are going to be late, you know, you're going to be late because you're on another meeting. Cause sometimes that also happens, unfortunately, where you. Are in the heat of the moment in the discussion, in the, existing meetings. So, you know, you're going to be late to this other one. You could ping them or whatever Yeah, anything or text and just say, Hey, you guys, I'm so sorry. I'm on this other meeting. So I'm running late, please forgive me. But again, it's a, one-time, that's a one-time you're not always going to be right in that situation. And then if you work for our company, you likely, you're not the only one that's having meetings. So people know. This is what happens. Yeah, people will understand. I wrote about a concept where you end five minutes early. All the time. So you never schedule a 30 minute meeting. You always schedule. Twenty-five minutes. Have you heard of that before? I have heard of it. I had heard of it. And I have worked with people that. Cool. Quote or doing that, however, It's never actually. Happened. I'm sorry. It happened. So like, okay. The meeting would be scheduled till 1125, then why are we still talking? And it's 1135. Oh, They do it on the calendar, but then when the time comes is not like respected. Okay, Not keeping time. Keeping time. If you're late, you go over and you start late basic. That happens a lot. Okay. It's not normal. No, it's not, and it's not, but it's, it happens all a lot. It's just not efficient. You know, I have a meeting after this. That's a pet peeve of mine, but it's it's with everything. It's with everything about time. The doctor's office. The Moss, everyone. My time is just as valuable. It needs to be respected if I am to be here at 12. Yeah. Why is it one o'clock and I'm still waiting for you to come out? Oh my goodness. Why please explain it to. Y. Do you know, Gemma's doctor. she's so timely. I have never seen it. And it's pediatrics. Let me just tell you that if a doctor is timely, I don't care that if you, barely got the diploma, If you like barely just made it. I love you and you will have windows. C's get degrees. Let me just tell you. the abuse of people's time is. Something that just really, yeah. With doctors. I. I fired doctors left and right. For, for the time thing. I'm sorry. I do. Yeah. Well, they're egregious about it. Yeah. And it's like, I get it. I get. You're a doctor. I get, you went to school for however many years. I get you have this knowledge that most of us don't have. Like I get that. That's important. That's cool. But in the same way that I can't show up to my appointment 30 minutes later and be seen it should go both ways. That's all I'm saying. Oh, yeah. So if you have the audacity to charge me a fee for being late, But then you're late. You're late. Oh, no. There's no time and there's no fee. No, thanks. Charge you a fee. Exactly. Oh, no. Heaven forbid. Having from it. That. Let me tell you. No, I will fire a doctor cold WIC. One time. Listen one time. I'll do it. Because to our point of emergency five minutes ago, right. And doctors can be in emergencies. Um, so we'll give you grace for one time. But if I come to your office and this is a recurrence, no, thanks. Not doing it. You're fired. You're fired because there will be another doctor. And again, maybe they're not even as good as you it's okay. They value my time and that is. I just appreciated that so much, but anyway, back to the bosses. Yes, it is. It can be an epidemic of people just not keeping time. Epidemic. It's not right. No, no. Cause. Cause now you're messing up my entire day. And again, the implication is your time is most valuable because. Putting aside my time and your time. What about the time that I, the person that I have a meeting with next now you're affecting. Taking their time. And you're impeding on their day as well. Not. Okay. It's disrespectful. I think we have a trend. Get it together. Yeah, the trend, it seems to be with the time, just be respectful. Uh, huh? Uh huh. Uh huh. there's groups that I've been part of groups. Uh, huh. Okay. If it's an hour. I want to go see. Three. Yeah, no. Even with that, and I've had that have like, again, find Greece, but even with that, I get restless because in my mind I planned for an hour. Right. I planned my day for an hour. I told my family I was going to be available for an hour. I did everything. I'm thinking that it was an hour, because you said it was an hour. But why is it too? Every single time. Or two and a half. This was meetings appointments. if you invite people over. Even, and they show up an hour late. Is that, is that a nice thing to do? Because again, if you're my hose, you. Prepared and plan and segmented your day. Based on these hours that you were going to graciously devote to us. We need to operate within that guideline. I have certain. people in my life that are on time and certain people that are not on time. And so I just kind of. I arrive at lunch at the time that I know they're going to. I saw a funny meme. Uh, yesterday on Instagram that was like Dominican problems. One minute is really 30 minutes in the minute in time. Um, have you heard, I'm sure you've heard of like island time. Yeah. Yeah. We are perpetually I, you know, In countries like that, like, Time is just whatever it's not. It's not in the, as, you know, strict economy of time that we have in the us, which is. We organize them. Great. But yeah. I know what you mean, but you know how long you generally know how long something is going to take. Even if you're a doctor, you generally are getting the same appointments. If you're having a meeting, you generally know how long it's going to take. And even if you run over, there's an additional complication in the midst of the meeting that you could not have predicted. Okay. Guess what you have an opportunity to do. Honor everyone's time. And the meeting as scheduled and let them know you'll be scheduling another one so they can finish this conversation. Yes. That's the efficient way. And so you're being efficient. You're respecting and honoring people's time. You're allowing them to be efficient and whoever they have a meeting with next, you're allowing them to be efficient to. It's just, it's just better all around. Okay. I'm just I have no tolerance. No. All right. So this is I'm going to do a different one. Ready? Ready. your boss might be basic if they allow other people to speak negatively about other people all the time. How's that even a thing while we're example, are you saying like I'm in the meeting? Talking. With my boss about someone else that we work with negatively. And they just allow it. And that's not a thing. How is that a thing? Oh, well, here's why I know it's a thing. How could that possibly be a thing? Here's how I know. Because in my career, I've had this wonderful opportunity to take over a lot of different teams, because that's what I love to do. I love to start something and fix things and okay. So many, many times has happened to me where I take over a new team. So they don't know me. I don't know them. And they're normal. Go-to. Is to say, Hey Megan, blah, blah, blah. And there they go. They're off to the races complaining about Bob, Joe or Kate. That is their normal now. The first time. That you do this to me I will give you an extra minute because I don't know you, you don't know me. So I'm going to give you a little bit of grace. I'm going to try to interject to gently. And then I'm going to just state. Clearly and concisely. I understand that you're feeling this way about the da, but here's how we're gonna handle this moving forward. And how are we going to handle it moving forward? Because I do have a question. Yeah. I don't agree with just sitting there and talking negatively about a coworker. Cause that's, it's not okay. But I have been in situations where the boss might not have been aware that so-and-so is not pulling their weight, like at all. Like at all. Yeah. Like the work is sitting there. And I'm having to do it because they're not doing it. Oh, yeah. I feel like that's on my list too. So, so if that's the scenario scenario, is that okay? When is it okay to, you know, we can't sit there and gossip about a person. No. We can't sit there and just bash them. But is it okay to tell the boss, Hey so-and-so is not. Is that okay. Okay. So before, before we dig in that deeply. here's my take on the matter. If I have 10 people working for me. And Joe's not pulling his weight. I'm supposed to know that. Before you even think it. That's my job. Yes, I need to know that and address it. Before you even think it great. So I'm talking about, this is way ahead of time. Like you've already thought it you've mulled over it. You've. Created some axed in your own self. Because of it. And then you've got to the point where you saw nothing was being done about it. And then you finally, yes. So this is like 10 years later. You're now. At the boiling point. Having the. Frustration and just agitation all of it. so you're at the point now where you're actually going to voice your concern. Yes. Two of the boss. You probably voiced your concern to other people first. Which does that indicate our bosses basic. If we're getting to that level. We're already at that level. Yes, it does. Yeah, it does. No. And I'm only saying this because. I don't, I'm trying to be nice about this. Okay. But every company has goals. Our job is to what, what is the job? What is the goal? And in the company, you have goals, you have measurements and it all breaks down into smaller goals for smaller teams. Okay. And if you are in charge of 10 people or 20, it doesn't matter, whatever it is, you're supposed to be measuring their work. Correct. That's how, you know, That's how you. Yeah, it's a hundred percent. That's how, you know, I mean, who you should be looking at for a promotion for more responsibility for, I mean, how do you even do a business if you don't know how people are performing you shouldn't be guessing you should know for sure. Here are the people and here's their performance. And it's one thing. If you perform low or high over a month, That's fine, but given six months, Eight months, nine months, you should know who your top performers are. And who your bottom performers. Right. And I'm not saying it's okay. If you are a bottom performer. It's okay. As long as. If you are a bottom former, it has to be.addressed. That's what you're, that's what I'm saying. Okay. You can't be a bottom former. And not be addressed, right. You can't be both. Right. Now if you are a bottom performer consistently. I mean, there's two, there's two reasons. Hey, you're not being addressed. And so you think it's okay. B. You have men addressed? And you can't do anything to fix it, which means you're probably in the wrong role. Right? And when that's okay, too, because you're probably unhappy with it. Yes. We need to change anyway. Okay. I've said a whole bunch of things, but the initial question was. If your boss is just allowing negative talk. And yeah, that happens. And I know it happens because that's always, I don't know. Why do I have a sign on my face that says you can say anything you want to me because you certainly can't. Yes. People think that well, because what else are you going to tell it to? Oh, no. I have a level of tomfoolery that I will accept. And the line is about here. So tell me what is the right response. If you don't want to be a basic boss, how, what, how do you address that? I'm coming here and I'm like, I'm on fire. I'm tired of picking up the slack for so-and-so. They are lazy or whatever choice boards I have at that moment. Yeah. I built up. My first response is I'm sorry. Okay. That's good because you shouldn't feel that way. You shouldn't feel frustrated. You shouldn't feel helpless. You shouldn't be at the point where this has gone on so long that you're bringing it to me because it's my job to know that not yours. Right. It's good that you know it, but I should've addressed it a long time ago. Right. So that's so sorry. Great. So that's where I start. I'm so sorry. Yes. And then, I'm going to have to look at it. I have to look at the numbers. So I have to tell you, here's what I'm going to do. Wallace. I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I'm so sorry that you're frustrated. I'm going to go and take a look at the numbers. I'm going to assess the situation and I'm going to get back to you. On. One thing or the other now I can't tell you, well, so-and-so's going to get canned. And see that, And it's one thing to express, a concern of an under performer. Sample. But how do you make it so that someone is not comfortable talking to you? The boss negatively about other people? So I think there's a difference between complaining and. Oh, negative talk. Is that what you're saying? So like, are we complaining about their performance or yeah. What do you, what do you mean exactly by negative talk? Because, because you just may not like Joe. Oh, well, maybe I just don't like him. And just want to complain. Oh yeah. That's not, no, that's not. What if somebody is just a negative Nelly and they're just, they just want to trash talk. Give me your answer. This has happened. Uh, what'd you say. I'm so sorry you feel that way. Do you have receipts? And again, let's just assume that I don't and I just want to talk trash. What are you going to say? I am not going to have a conversation with you about so-and-so. If you don't have receipts. Okay. That's the end of it. Okay. And we're just not going to talk about them for the fun of it. Not without receipts. We're not. Because if you want me to fix something, I am more than happy. To fix right. I don't want broken things on my team, but the boss camp just be your ally for gossiping about the team. We're not going to gossip members, because if you allow yourself to gossip with one person, You'll have no trust because if you're gossiping with me about so-and-so one day, you will be gossiping about me. And somebody else. That's how I'm going to see it. And it goes for everything. When someone shows you who they are. Believe them the first time. Do you know who said that? Quoted her earlier. My Angelo. She said, believe them. The first time. It's true. So people leave that part out though. Some people say when someone shares to do, they are, believe them. She's a believer. I'm the first. That's the key. Yeah. Don't wait until a hundred times, so we'll leave them. It's true. Anyway, it's so true. But after a while, word gets around And to be fair, we don't usually have a whole bunch of complainer's. I'm going to say the percentage is. 10%. I was going to say, that's good. That's good. 10%, 10%. 10% is also the number of people who are probably. Low performing. Yes. I agree with that. Oh, my question Jervis. Um, have somebody to just interrupt you all the time. I haven't actually. Basic. Yeah, that's crazy behavior. That's craziness. And it's for the same reason that you said earlier, you just don't respect what they're saying. Right. To just repeatedly interrupt. It's one thing to enter. I always, I will interrupt people on accident, but if you're consistently interrupting a person, you don't care about what they have to say. And you're not listening. You cannot possibly be listening. Because you're too busy talking. Basic. actually heard this guy, this psychiatrist say that, one of the best things you could do is. To be an active listener. If you want to build connection. Yes. You are an active listener. And he said, as silly as it may sound, even repeating what people say, puts you in the habit of actually, instead of thinking, while they're talking, thinking about the next thing you're going to say, Which you can't possibly. No. Fully listening. And fully thinking about the next thing you're going to say at the same time you can't. So he's like talk less, listen more. And be an active listener and again, I know that could sound silly if you're not on a therapist couch, but just try to repeat what the person said to them so that they feel heard and that builds connection. Oh, I don't think that's only normal on a therapist couch. I think that's good for business. I've heard that in business before times, time and time again. Repeat back what they said. That's really good. Even in the Navy, they do that. Yeah. Yeah. because when you're repeating it back, I'm on not only telling you that I heard what you said. But you're also giving your self an opportunity to internalize. There. Yes. And even though somebody could be saying something super clear, I may hear it differently than what they're saying. So when you repeated back. So it's the opportunity to make sure we're on the same page. And I heard what you were actually trying to communicate. Sometimes it's her differently. I don't know how that happens. Yeah. Would you could like almost hear what you think is the intention. And that's how you hear it. As opposed to what they're. Yeah. So repeating. This is really good. Unconscious bias. Yes, we have it through our own lens. Yes. Remember, I thought that you, I had this idea in my head that you. Like less salt. Than I do. Oh, I love salt. I was completely missing. I don't know. I really thought that. Some comment that you made at some point and me and my C. I would have repeated it. If you would have said to me, You say that you don't like salt, that. I would've been like no way. No, but I just picked it up. I put it in my pocket. I filed it away. I didn't even tell you about it. And then you gave me those few numbers and you're like, oh, I put them all sold in mind, but not in yours because I don't think he likes all that. I'm like, I am always self conscious of the amount of salt I put on my thing. No way. Since I'm a child. I've been putting so much salt in my eggs. Since of being a little kid, I would say it's salt. Okay. So I have a cousin. And when we were seven, I remember this vividly. She told me her mom, my aunt, who I adore. Okay. Does not let her put salt on her eggs. And I remember feeling so sad for my cousin. I don't know. Give me a name without salt. I mean, to be fair when you're seven, you need salt. When you're seven, I feel like I need salt every day. So it was when I was having. So it makes everything better. Yes. I would tell you, you could cook something and not put anything else. But if you put salt, You'll have what you need. Yeah. Oh man. You got to put salt, even in sweet things. No. Salt and cookies and cakes and everything. Everything has a pinch of salt. Uh, I think this is one of those things I didn't want to know. I can't even also, my taste buds are. They're not the same as yours. Let me tell you that I can taste something and tell you the ingredients one by one. I couldn't even begin. Yeah. Well, we compliment each other. Yes. All right. So it's assault. I don't know. Repeating the things. Yeah. Repeat what people say and you do a lot in the context of a boss. I think that is even more important. Because sometimes they can communicate an expectation to you and you don't. Here the way they mended. So repeating. Okay. So this is what you want me to do. Okay. So let me just make sure these are my priorities. These are my action items. These are my yes, I think those are all great. Worth repeating. I had a boss one time that wouldn't give me the goals. Excuse me. Then how would, you know. If you're failing or yeah. Succeeding. Yeah. It was hard. They. They can't withhold the voles. It was hard. How could they withhold the bowls? I don't know. I don't know how anyone does, but that was the situation. So it's happened before in life. Wow. Clarification. I think because of what you said before. If we don't know the answer, our head just fills it up with stuff that's probably not true and probably more negative than it actually is. Yes. And you don't want your people to feel. Circling back to that book that we were talking about. Leaders eat last. You don't want people to feel stressed. Because when they're in prolonged stress, it gets even worse. So it's. You just don't want to do it. You don't want to do it to your people. Speaking of you don't feel like you can go to them for help. So your boss might be basic if you don't feel you can get to them for help. So this is, this is a little bit of a touchy subject. Because it's a culture thing. I think it could be a culture thing. So Normally you would say, oh, I'm having this problem, whatever. And you can go talk to your boss and it's no problem. But what if you don't feel like it's okay for you to. Take that. Problem to your boss. You don't feel like it's okay to talk to her because why. What if they're part of the problem. If they're part of the problem. If we part of the problem or part of, yeah. Part of the decision making process that led to the problem. If you feel there. Any part of the problem, I don't feel you're going to want to bring it to them. I've been there before. And then you just, and then you feel helpless because your literal boss is part of what you, what something that you assist them. You're fighting against. And then, and then that's it. I mean, that's a movie. Okay. Anyway. It's really. It's your life. It's real. I'm afraid. It's your life? I wish it was a movie. Actually real life. I've seen situations where. the boss had a favorite. This was not, this was not my direct experience. This was an experience that was kind of near me, I'll say, okay. And like the next apartment over. So it's still the same company, but next department over. So I had a little bit of a bird's-eye perspective. So anyway, the boss had allegedly the favorite. And so no one else wanted to come to the boss because the favorite was a problem for them, but they didn't want to tell the boss because it was the boss's favorite. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's drama. Yes, that happened before I was in a bubble. And that situation is probably still in place right now to this day. I had a boss that ha that one of the, it was like friends with one of the coworkers. And it was like boys club. but the person happened to be the lowest performer, the friend. Ooh. Ooh. So the rest of us. We just, we kind of United, like it was us versus them and it was awful. And it happened. It just so happened. That it was the boss and another male and then three or four females. So it was like we were divided in that way. And that, that honestly felt worse because we felt like. We just couldn't be. Sexist sexism. We felt like we're never going to be his favorite in that way. Cause you're a girl. Girls and they do both stuff and they talk about board games and. Whatever they were talking about And they were like, it was the boss. And his favorite. That happened to be the low performer. So what were we supposed to do? We knew we couldn't say anything. That's an exact situation where you feel like you can not approach your boss. For a problem. We couldn't, we couldn't, we knew that it was a lost cost, so we just had to do it because if he's a low performer, that means y'all doing the work exactly. So we were mad at the whole time. We were so mad. Because we're sitting literally doing the work. Yeah, well then we see the boss and the person walking back from a break. Laughing hysterical. Jokes that they've been telling each other. The work that they're supposed to be nice. This was real light. No. We're live for years. No. Yep. So bad, we just had to deal with it. Okay, so that yes. Basic basic. Yes. And in that moment, the low performer, yes. He was like the pain, but we didn't, hold a grudge so much. I don't think against him, but against the boss, that was letting it happen because it's the Boston responsibility. Yeah, well, I mean, we started with that. your job is to know the numbers before your people do. Yes, because. Okay. Well, this is probably not the same. And every company, but. Most of the time. time. the people have insight to the, their own numbers. And the boss has insight to all the people's numbers. Right. So you don't. Really? No, like you don't see Joe's. Two's that he's putting up, you're putting up eights. You don't see his twos. You kind of feel. In this case. So you knew for sure. And it was so much worse. And we would be telling things. Things like we would be told things. like so-and-so is not going to be fully engaged, um, uh, today or this week, because they're going through like something and I'm like, well, I'm going through something, but I'm fully engaged. I'm bringing my whole self to work. Oh, did you ever try to have that conversation and say I'm going through something and I'm not full. Going to be, it felt like if it wasn't okay. It wasn't it. Wasn't it just wasn't. That's too bad. It was, but it's okay. I. I. mean, it is what it is. Hmm. Okay. well, the last one is we kind of touched on this already, but if you just, you don't know that you're doing a good job. And so this, this goes back to the whole, the standard, like what you were saying about clarifying expectations. I need to know what you need from me. Do you need me to do ABCD or ABC F. Right, because whatever it is that you want me to do, I want to make sure I'm doing it because I'm an overachiever. Also, I want to be your favorite. Yes. It's like a thing for me. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And in order to get to that status, I need to know what you need. Yes. And I'm not afraid to ask. I do need you to be able to tell me. Yeah. And on the other side of that, once I've asked and once I've done it, Then it, is nice for you to tell me. That I am doing what you want me. to do. Or not. Yeah. As it may be. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I always feel like it's all. Oh, well he's onto the next thing. I don't know. Do you ever feel, you just get the feeling that you're doing a good job because the expectations were clear. The boss said, ABC, you did ABC. And then you just knew, like she gave you the nod or. Um, I do think you just know, but it is also nice to, I think be told directly, directly. Another thing I've seen happen is. I heard. My boss was in another, a different boss. She did. That she was talking about? Well, all the good. I was never going to know around. That isn't a good example of someone. In a good way. No, they eventually, yes. Just a good example. Uh, and I already choose a good boss, but that was evidence. Great thing to do. Okay, well, anything else? There'll be basic. We need more. Is hoping. All of these that I don't know. I don't know. You want to be mean? No winter. Yeah. People to be better. Craig Rochelle, you don't. It gets better. Yeah. Yes, please do. All right. Well, that's it for today. today. Hey, do you want to be a part of text 8 6 1 6 8 3. I don't know, what you're saying. Perfect. Your own ideas. Was there something would've made the basic. Sure there is. Type in the YouTube. What Jen. No, it's not easy, but ever it is. You're walking on and together we are pleased to work. Take care and see you next.